Toy companies are evil. They prey on stupid kids with lame gimmicks and force parents to spend money on toys that aren't even easy for their kids to play with. Take Battle Beasts, another Hasbro debacle. I probably had about ten of these little buttholes. Standing at only 2" tall, they were too small to do much with, yet do to powers completely out of my control, I wanted them all? Why? Because they had heat-sensitive rubbing squares on their chests that revealed what element they represented, that's why! Yes, each little Battle Beast had either 'wood', 'fire' or 'water' embossed on their armored chest plate, but you could only find out which element a Battle Beast would represent until you bought the thing and rubbed it (this is getting graphic).
Aside from the novelty and mystery of what symbol they'd represent, as kids, we always fell for
toys that played with the size of things. "Oh my God! It's a *tiny* car and not a regular sized car!
That's awesome! Give me twenty of em." I did have fun with them though. I guess? I mean, what can you do with them? Their joints barely moved.
I now realize the white lion in the blue with the eye patch looks like David Bowie circa Diamond Dogs.
I loved battle beasts. Had a ton of them. Some my friends did too. I never cared that they were small. Kids have imaginations. When I lost their little weapons, I made cool little swords by filing down nails. Cocktail spears and swords worked well too. No complaints here. I honestly found your article after thinking about how much I loved my battle beasts as a kid.
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